Review Post: May 18th Update
Briefly, purely for the heat, I want to mention Cafetray's "Chocolate Milk." I don't have much to say about this as a story, but it's well-written stroke with a premise one can buy long enough to get off on it. This is a very short read. The backstory is pleasant, the subway ride edges slightly into exhibitionist territory, and the sex at the end is only lacking in that it's too short. Cafetray does write good, believable, intense sex. Even valbot can appreciate stroke, sometimes.
* * *
As usual, these are my opinions. Spoilers are in black text.
* * *
"Fragments from the Violet Hour"
by Bad Penny mc mf md (2,990 words)
Classic Bad Penny. “Fragments from the Violet Hour” is worthy of praise as a title alone for the mood of curiosity and confusion it set. Every word of this casual masterpiece was sharp and gritty. Mixing memory with desire in a marriage tested by a fire sermon? Recognizing which part of “The Waste Land” so heavily inspired this story was not difficult. Bad Penny winning Michelle's April writing contest on the MCF came as no surprise to me. Eliot’s influence on “Fragments” was not so readily apparent as it was on Virginia’s story, but it was no less poignant and I think the subtlety lent the imagery greater strength.
**begin spoilers**
This was an intense, gritty, lewd, disorienting, and utterly smirk-worthy masterpiece. A casual masterpiece: there is no grace or refinement to this story in the traditional sense. Graphic descriptions abound, but Penny wrote them with a finesse atypical of erotica in general. The story itself was deceptively simple: Lil and Albert had a troubled marriage and sexual relationship due to Lil’s out-of-control rape fantasies. Albert paid their counselor to alter her perceptions and to find suitable candidates to rape Lil so Albert could be in control of a fetish he knew he could not stop Lil from pursuing. Albert’s career would have been jeopardized by his wife soiling his reputation, and that’s exactly what she tried to do (at least, it’s very strongly implied Lil did that at the end). Doesn’t that sound like any other stroke piece? Well, it’s a Bad Penny story, and the tightly interlaced layers of control and disorientation matched the skill and complexity of any trilby story.
Graphic descriptions: I would have been reading one-handed had this been an FF story. Despite the MF pairing, despite the MF oral sex which is normally a horrible squick for me, I still got a pleasant buzz purely from the twisted power exchange and the intensity of Lil’s reactions to such a dangerous fantasy-turned-reality. Only at the end of the second rape scene did the rapist’s identity as an extension of Albert’s control become clear; before that, Lil was being raped by who she thought was a random stranger, which definitely increased the thrill. The revelation that her assailant wasn’t random was its own thrill: Lil was being more than physically controlled, and the mental side of things wasn’t a mere lapse in perception. What was tampering with Lil’s perception of time and place? I initially guessed telepathy since that is the common theme of Bad Penny’s writing, but who was controlling her? The rapist didn’t seem like he would care enough about his victim to invest that extensive of an effort. Albert didn’t seem important at first aside from being the disgruntled husband. Maybe something was actually wrong with Lil. But her assailant revealing that he had a connection to her husband slammed this story into unwittingly fierce perspective: the tables had been turned on Lil by the last person she would suspect of turning them, and his hold on her, as shown by the perceptual lapses and her "daydream" of oral sex, was quite firm.
Shock can be an effective deprogramming agent. Shock paired with anger can break programming altogether. Lil’s moment of clarity and her ability to hold on to her memory enough to be able to tell Albert’s boss was believable given how well Penny detailed Lil’s reaction to Albert’s smug and dispassionate admission. Lil’s desire was being used against her to control her. When Lil’s desire was redirected through her anger at being played and her shame over allowing such a thing to happen, the control was also redirected at least in part into her own hand. Or was it? There was another possibility: the exchange Lil had with Albert’s boss took a flirtatious tone at the end. She told him to just come find her. If he wasn’t the same man who raped her in the alley (her perception was being altered; he could have been disguised), then he could have at least been her next fetish encounter. Was Lil about to play into her husband’s hand yet again? Was she experiencing yet another loop of seemingly fresh experience that she had actually repeated multiple times without recollection? Maybe she was being led to think she could remember and break free. Either ending is believable. Both are deliciously smirk-worthy: one for its comeuppance, the other for the firmness and depth of its control. This was left open-ended enough that I think either guess could be correct. This made the story even better, another layer of perception left entirely to the reader: true reader-writer interaction beyond the already vividly engrossing narrative.
**end spoilers**
Even without the outside assistance, Lil would have been firmly controlled by her own desire. She was never in control of herself. A strong fetish can drive a person to destruction. Anyone who has spent any length of time in the fetish community has heard of or known at least one person whose life, or at least sense of self, was blurred or destroyed by the pursuit of erotic fulfillment. Instances like this remind us that we can still easily become chattel to primitive urges and that our attempts to intellectualize and romanticize them are laughable at best. This is where erotic mind control comes in: intellectualizing that which is primal; applying mental, spiritual, and emotional themes to something that used to be a simple matter of the natural order of things. Some of us were stronger than others. Now, in this context, some of us think we are mentally stronger than others while the rest fall victim to their own urges to be shaped and directed. Those who perceive themselves as stronger are really victims of their own urges, but they are harder to recognize as such since they take a decidedly outward and dominating tone. This is a crude and simple way to put it, and is definitely not the case overall, but “Fragments” incorporated and exemplified it to an extreme. This is why I think “Fragments” is a masterpiece for the modern age. This is art imitating life as it has evolved in this present day in a very specific and very primal context.
Every scene transition was just abrupt enough to prick without startling me out of the story. In fact, these abrupt pricks drew me deeper into the narrative through surprise and curiosity. I didn’t anticipate any of them, even the later ones after I knew abrupt scene breaks were being used as a device. Normally things like that are gimmicky, or I at least see them coming after the first or second time, but this narrative was so vivid that I forgot about the process of reading and savored the process of visualizing. There are not many authors on the Archive or in general who can write vividly enough to make me forget analyzing! Upon reading the last word, I was startled to remember I was sitting in my apartment with a mug of coffee. So far as I could tell, within what felt like the mere minute reading this took, the warmth against my hand was the sting Lil felt while holding her mug. Escapist literature is difficult to find, escapist erotica even more so. “Fragments” was definitely literature—prose artistry and a deep sense of empathy that happened to incorporate and refine the lewd and gritty edge so common to porn.
I had to spend a few minutes thinking about negative things to mention. This was such a wonderful story! The storytelling was holographic; the writing was polished and tight; the heat was scalding; the thematic elements were subtle yet pristine in their clarity. The few things I found were laughable. Some of the dialogue read as though it had been punctuated more grammatically then stylistically. This is a frequent snag for me since I hear what I read; this didn't snag horribly in "Fragments," but it stood out a little more than it would have otherwise given how smoothly written the story was overall. One homophone briefly confused me: “To bring you to heal since you act like a bitch in heat.” They were in counseling. Lil had a severe issue. She did indeed need to heal. This didn’t snag for more than a second, and I wasn’t thrown out of the story, but even small things like this can nick a masterpiece given the contrast. There were several missing particles and a few typos, but none snagged enough for me to remember. All of this feels like nitpicking given how wonderful this story was, but I wanted to be balanced. I honestly can’t think of anything beyond purely personal taste that could have been done better with the characters and story. Maybe a little more punch to the dialogue during the rape scenes? Now I’m grasping at straws. This was a fabulous story, period.
My biggest problem with this story was that it wasn’t RED! But that is definitely personal taste. I have a bit of a rape kink, and those descriptions were absolutely scorching. I would adore reading something so skillfully written and biting from a lesbian perspective. Finding quality rape stories is difficult. So many of them are gritty and nothing else—tasteless, needlessly cruel juvenile power fantasies. But “Fragments,” truly, is a masterpiece. This will definitely be one of my yellow nominations for next year’s Spiral Awards.
“Fragments from the Violet Hour” was graphic in physical descriptions and in its alteration of memory and perception. If you don’t like rape descriptions, or if extensive disorientation of the controlled sort bothers you, save yourself the squick. This was a fabulous story, but the descriptive writing is more than sharp enough to cut in an unpleasant way for those easily squicked by such themes. Otherwise, regardless of what color you prefer, READ THIS. Read this to see how good, actually story- and character-enhancing sex scenes are written. Read this to see how gritty and uncouth themes can be written classily. Read this for the sake of admiring a literary masterpiece for the modern, rushed sexual age. I don’t gush often. This is an intriguing and aptly titled erotic escape, or at least an enlightening story for those who don’t share these grittier kinks.
* * *
Suggestions on how to review better are welcome. I want to get better at this.
I also want more "Undertow." *sigh* Who am I to nag about online things when I chronically neglect e-mail? I am reading "A Story for Mike," though, as I said I'd get around to: great thus far, something I've been savoring along with my coffee in smaller bits. Coffee is definitely my cigar equivalent . . .
Madam, I will go get you your own huge bucket of Neapolitan if you post more. I can add sprinkles and chocolate syrup. POST MORE! Or get Quillspawn/Eutrepe to post more.
~valbot
* * *
As usual, these are my opinions. Spoilers are in black text.
* * *
"Fragments from the Violet Hour"
by Bad Penny mc mf md (2,990 words)
Classic Bad Penny. “Fragments from the Violet Hour” is worthy of praise as a title alone for the mood of curiosity and confusion it set. Every word of this casual masterpiece was sharp and gritty. Mixing memory with desire in a marriage tested by a fire sermon? Recognizing which part of “The Waste Land” so heavily inspired this story was not difficult. Bad Penny winning Michelle's April writing contest on the MCF came as no surprise to me. Eliot’s influence on “Fragments” was not so readily apparent as it was on Virginia’s story, but it was no less poignant and I think the subtlety lent the imagery greater strength.
**begin spoilers**
This was an intense, gritty, lewd, disorienting, and utterly smirk-worthy masterpiece. A casual masterpiece: there is no grace or refinement to this story in the traditional sense. Graphic descriptions abound, but Penny wrote them with a finesse atypical of erotica in general. The story itself was deceptively simple: Lil and Albert had a troubled marriage and sexual relationship due to Lil’s out-of-control rape fantasies. Albert paid their counselor to alter her perceptions and to find suitable candidates to rape Lil so Albert could be in control of a fetish he knew he could not stop Lil from pursuing. Albert’s career would have been jeopardized by his wife soiling his reputation, and that’s exactly what she tried to do (at least, it’s very strongly implied Lil did that at the end). Doesn’t that sound like any other stroke piece? Well, it’s a Bad Penny story, and the tightly interlaced layers of control and disorientation matched the skill and complexity of any trilby story.
Graphic descriptions: I would have been reading one-handed had this been an FF story. Despite the MF pairing, despite the MF oral sex which is normally a horrible squick for me, I still got a pleasant buzz purely from the twisted power exchange and the intensity of Lil’s reactions to such a dangerous fantasy-turned-reality. Only at the end of the second rape scene did the rapist’s identity as an extension of Albert’s control become clear; before that, Lil was being raped by who she thought was a random stranger, which definitely increased the thrill. The revelation that her assailant wasn’t random was its own thrill: Lil was being more than physically controlled, and the mental side of things wasn’t a mere lapse in perception. What was tampering with Lil’s perception of time and place? I initially guessed telepathy since that is the common theme of Bad Penny’s writing, but who was controlling her? The rapist didn’t seem like he would care enough about his victim to invest that extensive of an effort. Albert didn’t seem important at first aside from being the disgruntled husband. Maybe something was actually wrong with Lil. But her assailant revealing that he had a connection to her husband slammed this story into unwittingly fierce perspective: the tables had been turned on Lil by the last person she would suspect of turning them, and his hold on her, as shown by the perceptual lapses and her "daydream" of oral sex, was quite firm.
Shock can be an effective deprogramming agent. Shock paired with anger can break programming altogether. Lil’s moment of clarity and her ability to hold on to her memory enough to be able to tell Albert’s boss was believable given how well Penny detailed Lil’s reaction to Albert’s smug and dispassionate admission. Lil’s desire was being used against her to control her. When Lil’s desire was redirected through her anger at being played and her shame over allowing such a thing to happen, the control was also redirected at least in part into her own hand. Or was it? There was another possibility: the exchange Lil had with Albert’s boss took a flirtatious tone at the end. She told him to just come find her. If he wasn’t the same man who raped her in the alley (her perception was being altered; he could have been disguised), then he could have at least been her next fetish encounter. Was Lil about to play into her husband’s hand yet again? Was she experiencing yet another loop of seemingly fresh experience that she had actually repeated multiple times without recollection? Maybe she was being led to think she could remember and break free. Either ending is believable. Both are deliciously smirk-worthy: one for its comeuppance, the other for the firmness and depth of its control. This was left open-ended enough that I think either guess could be correct. This made the story even better, another layer of perception left entirely to the reader: true reader-writer interaction beyond the already vividly engrossing narrative.
**end spoilers**
Even without the outside assistance, Lil would have been firmly controlled by her own desire. She was never in control of herself. A strong fetish can drive a person to destruction. Anyone who has spent any length of time in the fetish community has heard of or known at least one person whose life, or at least sense of self, was blurred or destroyed by the pursuit of erotic fulfillment. Instances like this remind us that we can still easily become chattel to primitive urges and that our attempts to intellectualize and romanticize them are laughable at best. This is where erotic mind control comes in: intellectualizing that which is primal; applying mental, spiritual, and emotional themes to something that used to be a simple matter of the natural order of things. Some of us were stronger than others. Now, in this context, some of us think we are mentally stronger than others while the rest fall victim to their own urges to be shaped and directed. Those who perceive themselves as stronger are really victims of their own urges, but they are harder to recognize as such since they take a decidedly outward and dominating tone. This is a crude and simple way to put it, and is definitely not the case overall, but “Fragments” incorporated and exemplified it to an extreme. This is why I think “Fragments” is a masterpiece for the modern age. This is art imitating life as it has evolved in this present day in a very specific and very primal context.
Every scene transition was just abrupt enough to prick without startling me out of the story. In fact, these abrupt pricks drew me deeper into the narrative through surprise and curiosity. I didn’t anticipate any of them, even the later ones after I knew abrupt scene breaks were being used as a device. Normally things like that are gimmicky, or I at least see them coming after the first or second time, but this narrative was so vivid that I forgot about the process of reading and savored the process of visualizing. There are not many authors on the Archive or in general who can write vividly enough to make me forget analyzing! Upon reading the last word, I was startled to remember I was sitting in my apartment with a mug of coffee. So far as I could tell, within what felt like the mere minute reading this took, the warmth against my hand was the sting Lil felt while holding her mug. Escapist literature is difficult to find, escapist erotica even more so. “Fragments” was definitely literature—prose artistry and a deep sense of empathy that happened to incorporate and refine the lewd and gritty edge so common to porn.
I had to spend a few minutes thinking about negative things to mention. This was such a wonderful story! The storytelling was holographic; the writing was polished and tight; the heat was scalding; the thematic elements were subtle yet pristine in their clarity. The few things I found were laughable. Some of the dialogue read as though it had been punctuated more grammatically then stylistically. This is a frequent snag for me since I hear what I read; this didn't snag horribly in "Fragments," but it stood out a little more than it would have otherwise given how smoothly written the story was overall. One homophone briefly confused me: “To bring you to heal since you act like a bitch in heat.” They were in counseling. Lil had a severe issue. She did indeed need to heal. This didn’t snag for more than a second, and I wasn’t thrown out of the story, but even small things like this can nick a masterpiece given the contrast. There were several missing particles and a few typos, but none snagged enough for me to remember. All of this feels like nitpicking given how wonderful this story was, but I wanted to be balanced. I honestly can’t think of anything beyond purely personal taste that could have been done better with the characters and story. Maybe a little more punch to the dialogue during the rape scenes? Now I’m grasping at straws. This was a fabulous story, period.
My biggest problem with this story was that it wasn’t RED! But that is definitely personal taste. I have a bit of a rape kink, and those descriptions were absolutely scorching. I would adore reading something so skillfully written and biting from a lesbian perspective. Finding quality rape stories is difficult. So many of them are gritty and nothing else—tasteless, needlessly cruel juvenile power fantasies. But “Fragments,” truly, is a masterpiece. This will definitely be one of my yellow nominations for next year’s Spiral Awards.
“Fragments from the Violet Hour” was graphic in physical descriptions and in its alteration of memory and perception. If you don’t like rape descriptions, or if extensive disorientation of the controlled sort bothers you, save yourself the squick. This was a fabulous story, but the descriptive writing is more than sharp enough to cut in an unpleasant way for those easily squicked by such themes. Otherwise, regardless of what color you prefer, READ THIS. Read this to see how good, actually story- and character-enhancing sex scenes are written. Read this to see how gritty and uncouth themes can be written classily. Read this for the sake of admiring a literary masterpiece for the modern, rushed sexual age. I don’t gush often. This is an intriguing and aptly titled erotic escape, or at least an enlightening story for those who don’t share these grittier kinks.
* * *
Suggestions on how to review better are welcome. I want to get better at this.
I also want more "Undertow." *sigh* Who am I to nag about online things when I chronically neglect e-mail? I am reading "A Story for Mike," though, as I said I'd get around to: great thus far, something I've been savoring along with my coffee in smaller bits. Coffee is definitely my cigar equivalent . . .
Madam, I will go get you your own huge bucket of Neapolitan if you post more. I can add sprinkles and chocolate syrup. POST MORE! Or get Quillspawn/Eutrepe to post more.
~valbot
posted by valbot at
2:26 AM
11 Comments:
Nice review of Badpenny's story. And you're reading 'A Story for Mike'--now I am nervous.
Seriously? My biggest 'snag' so far was "that's not schizophrenia, that's a form of dissociation...". But I'm a psychology geek. I can enjoy this series now that I know you were doing an intriguing literary experiment. I still feel beyond embarrassed for presuming to note personality flaws in response to your characters.
There is a groan-worthy trend on the Archive of people writing thinly veiled versions of themselves as infallible Dominants. Sometimes the slaves of these people will write about their Dominants as such. Evilena and her servant spring to mind, MzDominica, Lady Ru'etha/crystaliss42, Cynthia . . . I know I've read a few yellow stories that screamed of this trend, though I didn't read long enough to remember the authors.
Well, some of your stories, particularly the one about 'Mr. H.H.', looked like the cyan equivalent. Granted, an exceptionally well-written equivalent. The quality should have been my clue that you were going somewhere else with those stories. The authors I listed above couldn't touch you if they wrote every day for a hundred years! But thinking that a truly good writer would actually be that arrogant wasn't too much of a stretch; talented people often can be sickeningly arrogant.
But I'm still sorry. That's exactly the kind of thing I get angry at others for doing in reviews. I had no business doing it myself, especially to such a talented and unique writer who actually understands what he's doing!
After I finish "A Story for Mike", I'll look over the rest of your 'arrogant series' to enjoy it as what it really is, and I'll probably make a post to the affect of "I was being stupid; this is really good stuff; here's why".
(apologies for rambling, I just woke up)
It looks like someone is wiping certain words from your harddrive, what with the white text ^_^
Looks odd is all.
I will have to combat that review at some point, haven't read much on the MCstories since Madam stopped uploading.
(Hi Valbot!)
Combat?
You can click the 'Show Original Post' link in the comments section to get black text. The Blogger equivalent of an LJ cut would affect all posts unless I coded a widget that wouldn't, and I'm lazy. *blushes*
Penny's story really is wonderful. Definitely read thrall's "Queen Bee Becomes a Drone" if you haven't! Also, 8-bit: "Cotton" is a classic when it comes to hypnotic D/s stories. Short, gorgeously written, hot, and red. ^^
[Hello person who doesn't appear to appreciate being addressed in diminutive Klingon.]
Hey Val =p
Don't hurt me, but, I actually haven't worked on Undertow at all for the past few weeks. I started something different that I've been having a ton of fun with. It's actually fun to go back and re-read, something I haven't experienced in my own stories in a while (since October 26th, actually. The story, not the date. Actually, probably the date too).
Undertow is a story I've been working on for so long (since before Christmas-- that's why it's set the week before Christmas), it got stuck in my head and started to become oppressive. I've never had a single story on my mind for that long (except for Dude, Where's My Slave, but that's because it took me 4 months to script it because I'm such a novice Flash programmer. It still felt fresh the whole time, though; Undertow doesn't).
I've been strangling myself with my narration style lately. When you think about something that much it leaks into the writing, and everything becomes more deliberate-- and the worst part about that is, it's impossible to tell what's going wrong. The grammar is right. Paragraphs are moving things along like they should be (though sometimes in a way that's *too* deliberate, like Columbo but without the fun). Everything seems right, but for some reason it starts to get that feeling of rolling a rock uphill. That feeling carries through to the reading experience and makes it less fun to read.
And in the same way, something that's fun or suspenseful to write also carries through into the reader experience. I realized last week-- don't laugh, but I really didn't realize it until last week-- that if something's not fun to write (or at least some kind of experience that makes you want to write it), you should maybe stop writing it for a while. I should never have published Viva La Resistance, for example, because that first story had become such a struggle that I was miserable trying to finish it. The end result was forced, boring, and borderline unreadable.
I've been playing with a narration style for my next story that's a lot more fun. It's third person, but (and I'm not sure what the technical term is) it's told as if it acknowledges that there's an audience. It doesn't break the 4th wall, but it acknowledges there's an audience. It's really fun; it frees you up. It's maybe the type of third person that is closest to first person.
So that's what I'm doing now. I think you'll like it; it's the first thing I've been this happy with since Fall of '07. Might be up next week.
And thanks always for reading =)
Very well, I shall :)
And aww, are you mad at me? :( I dunno the Klingon language, but from what I've read they use capitals differently to English so..
I don't mind being refered to in 'diminutive Klingon' :p
In fact, this language seems tough...jIyajbe' ?
And 'combat' just refers to long :) I can read long stuff, just don't have too much time at the moment.
Next time you use an inside joke, could you inform me? I fear the wrath of hypnodommes >_<
(You made me nervous lol)
Bytely one, I would so much rather wait for something that will no doubt glow with author enjoyment than read something that oppresses you. I know what kind of third person you're talking about (Nex does that, in fact, ironically, as I was reading that style earlier today) but I don't know the term either. Gods, you'll sizzle writing like that!
"October 26th" really could have been submitted to sci-fi magazines; I don't doubt that one would have printed it if you'd actually queried. I hope you will do that one day. None of the resistance stories were unreadable! A little slow-seeming, maybe, but not unreadable. Not even close. I didn't know you struggled with those. I couldn't tell from reading. "Undertow" is delicious just the way it is, even though it does seem unfinished when I think about it beyond just enjoying what's there. It's a comfortable MC southern-style narrative, if nothing else. Some of us actually enjoy reading those.
Madam seems to be dealing with the same thing, oppression and fatigue with what she's working on. I keep suggesting that she write other stories to get her head out of the Silververse, but then she ends up writing something anyway and it comes out fine. It's just really, really slow in coming.
I'm just glad thrall and trilby submitted this year!
Why did you have to tease me!? Now I can't hurt you because then I wouldn't get to enjoy the story! Suffice it to say that I'm itching to read this, and good luck.
Soeroah: I'm not mad at you. I was playing. Inside joke? If you're referring to the last post where we traded comments, I just felt like calling someone my human coffee slave in Klingon. But, jIyaj. ^^ I hope you find time to read; there is certainly a delicious backlog of things to read and even some of the recent updates had wonderful surprises. You really don't need to ever feel nervous in response to me. Just don't develop a case of Comma Whiplash Syndrome, or start writing purple prose . . . [I'm kidding.]
By 'inside jokes' I just mean the lower-case thing, I have never seen an episode of Trek, let alone looked at the Klingon language in depth :) I just know some of the words sound..guttral.
And I don't think I use too many commas. Emoticons, yes :p
(Madam post! Mrow says I)
Just finished reading Queen Bee Becomes a Drone. Very enjoyable :) Thank you for the suggestion, val!
(I think I may have read another of thrall's stories once...mabye just a short story though?)
"White Slavery"? That's her most recent story before this year. You should read more thrall! "Willing Subject" is a hypno classic, and "A Tenpack of Trixies" was one of the first non-MK EMC robot stories that didn't make me embarrassed to have a tech fetish. "Tenpack's" ending is a punch in the gut, though, so avoid that if you're not in the mood for twisted pathos. "Willing Subject" is just hypnotic deliciousness with a very deliberate and permanent-minded unearthly Domme.
I can't believe you've never seen an episode of Star Trek! Most Klingon sounds guttural, and I've been told by MK that I mumble an incoherent dialect of it when I'm prematurely awakened.
I think thats normal :) I either swear in Greek, or say a full sentence of utter nonsense that, nevertheless, gets my point across, while cursing a few things in the process.
I remember ONE scene, I believe. Piccard landing on a planet, checking the atmosphere and doing that hand thing to the locals. But that's it :(
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