Return of the Kistulot

It's been just a little over a month. Crazy, huh? I'd gotten better, too.

Well, it's an appropriate place to have been stopped for a moment or two, isn't it? Storywise, this is similar to having reached The Memory Remains in the original series, and that was where I had a bit of lag.

As you'll remember however, following that my writing gained a new form of regularity and I plowed through lead ins between almost every story, TAP, ISP, TS&O, and RMR.

I was lulled away from writing by a combination of bronchitus, work stress and my birthday. Well, that's all better now! My mother's birthday hits next month, and she's asked to watch the Wizard of Oz while listening to the dark side of the moon for her party of sorts on my HD TV. For those of you who don't know, the Wizard of Oz is one of those movies that quite affected me as a child. I think TMR (oddly enough) makes this apparent, but if not there it goes for the record. It'll be fun.

For writing? Ink Stained Reunion is well under way. I'm looking forward to this weekend being it's debut. It'll probably take the month for me to finish, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Some reasoning for my lost momentum may be that the Archive hasn't been a place I've particularly enjoyed reading for awhile. No huge rant here, jsut dissappointment. Back in highschool I would sometimes get through the week hoping for some new trilby or tabico, something exciting, enticing, way not supposed to be something I read about. It feels like something in the archive has been lost. I probably helped, but I'll be doing what I can to add my voice anew.

Carpe Argentum!!!

Bronchitus

I bet you've been wondering why the silence . . .

Carin McLeoud isn't much good at being the Madam Kistulot when she had Bronchitus. Antibiotics took awhile to kick in. The cough comes and goes. Then my asthma conflicted with the bronchitus and I'm dizzy and feeling feverish. It's fun! Afraid I won't feel good by Monday but knowing it's best I actually get well.

The sexy I can muster is reserved right now for those nearest and dearest to me, so sorry, no MK for a bit till I heal. Then, we start the most epic crossover you've ever seen. Until then? You get this sexy picture drawn by Lola herself.

And then mangled by yours truly.

This!

Enjoy.

~MK

Late Update!

So, I have a lot to say, and frankly, this took me too long to get to. Sorry about that. Life isn't getting in the way, but how much it has been getting in the way I've been a little lazy when I've had the capability.

New Super Mario Bros Wii came out yesterday, and I spent a good long time playing through a majority of it with Val. Was lotsa fun. We'll need to finish it still, but i feel satisfied mariowise. Chucking people you love off of cliffs? its a great stress reliever. Trust me.

A very sweet fan, amusingly named the same as my first glittering heroine (Sarah, not Silver Girl, silly) granted me a legitimate key for Windows 7 Ultimate - so I'm finally off of the XP train. So far really preferring it this way. A thing here or there isn't doing just what I want (Paint Shop Pro 7 isn't very happy with me - maybe because it's not the only 7 anymore?) but overall it runs faster, feels slicker, and is preeeetty. So that's all that matters.

Got Valencia a new laptop, a Toshiba Satellite. You never notice how small a netbook is until you stack it on top of a real laptop. Wow. Sylvia is TINY. Sylvia, incase I haven't said it, is the name of my netbook as my old desktop was named Aurora.

Aurora is getting so very close to some very big plot developments. Its so hard to restrain myself, but this needs to be done right or it'll be pointless. There's so much right on the verge of "popping". Sylvia has some things coming her way, but differently.

Their crossover is getting closer and closer, too. If I focus a little, maybe it'll be a sort of winter-season present? I'm not sure if I'll be able to make that deadline for starting it off/finishing it, but it's what I'm mentally aiming for.

Work has become stressful in a whole new way. People are leaving my contract. A lot. But still, we're "overstaffed." My hours have been cut back to 37 hours a week. To be honest? Any excuse not to be at work that doesn't get me fired or make me look worse. The job has become more exhausting, and I've actually recieved a pay cut for taking a "promotion."

So life is stressful. Val is happy. Mario is fun. Stories are moving forward.

Fanmail more appreciated than ever!

~Madam Kistulot

Four more years! Elect LaSilvas!

Okay, so work has calmed down, so why so slow now eh? Good question. This morning the max broke down, more details on what a max is at the Trimet Website, but previous to that? Exhaustion and writers' block. I've capped 55 stories in four years on the archive. Four years.

Its quality though, not quantity, but I'd like to think I've got that, too. Maybe not every story, and the earlier could use a rewrite . . . but I'd like to think they're worthy additions.

I'd have a mite fewer if I hadn't played with story conventions a little. Lead-ins were fun. After a nearing event, Nebula will revert to a more classic multi chapter story. Electrum seems to work best this way - but feel free to chime in if you dissagree.

Four years . . .

That's highschool. Thats a bachelor's degree. Thats longer than most marriages . . .

Sarah was born in June, so she's been four for awhile. Old enough to go to preschool, and get ready for kindergarden. She'll make an adorable school girl in a year or two.

She still has years before her chronological existence is jailbait, but we know how she'll turnout. Mmm.

Okay verge of creepy There. Sorry! Regardless, more should be coming, but I'm not promising as rigorous a schedule. I just can't keep up with it. I'm not going to purposefully go slow, but I don't know how well these deadlines are working for me or for story quality. So, apologies, but things might come a little slower. Probably not much than as of late, but hey . . . at least I'm posting, and rather regularly.

Gotta have something else in the update besides lisa teez in red, eh?

That's all for now,

~Madam Kistulot

Missed update, missed lover

Well, by now you've noticed that I missed the update. Sorry. I'll be trying to get both Sylvia and Aurora in to this sat/sun's update.

Reason? The lovely eri was visiting us from her lands far across the eastern horizon. Was somewhat occupied. She left portland last night, and I go back to work today. Feeling the smallest touch melancholy, but fine otherwise.

Also tired. Very tired. Couldn't sleep. I'll be awake for at least 26 hours by the time I get off work today.

I'll be sleeping well tonight.

~Madam Kistulot

Still not dead!

You know how you remember to do things right after you save them/send them? There's no "next week!" Teaser. Bah. Oh well! Electrum Volume 5 will be out next week even if I'm a space case.

Speaking of space casery, the first two stories of my comeback have no editing but my own. Honestly. Stresses caused me to want to do it on my own, and Valencia along with several others lead me to well . . . take that thought under advisement, and I ended up deciding I could use an editor after all, even if just type editing, which honestly is very very important.

Very.

So, I have my new computer. Atma. Pictures will surface soon. she's dual core, and has a very double theme to her case design, so I am calling her Atma, with the last name genji. If you know why you're awesome.

So, more will come. Realize it. Accept it. Embrace it. Eventually it may become something you don't want, but I hope not. Their stories are honestly going differently than I intended, though the moment of reentwinement remains the same. I figure somewhere around their collective volume 12s is where I'll bring them back together agfter a single story from neither of their perspectives.

It all depends on how things go, I guess!

Thank you everyone who has shown your support. I'm exhausted, and still setting up my new computer, so I'm going to leave you all now to your own ends, and wish you a wonderful week!

New job burnout

Heya everyone!

You'll notice by now I haven't had anything in the last two updates, nor have I contributed to the blog in awhile. Sorry. Not so much intentional, as I've been horrifically burned out, and I've needed a break from my personal deadlines - and writing has been very difficult. I have a four hour commute each day, and my handwriting is atrocious, so I've recently ordered a new notebook and I should have it by... Tuesday? At the latest. And then, I intend to write during my commute.

Five and a half hours of battery life? Mmmm, battery life.

So I just wanted to give everyone an update, and apologize. I really haven't had time to barely do anything at all besides unwind as of late, and try to de-stress which has worked with varying amounts of success.

I haven't really even had time to pay attention, but I admit I am getting a giggle out of the return of Sara H. I'm glad to know she's well, but going from bashing everyone's work and saying you're the best writer in the world who doesn't write according to cliches, then only writing cliches, demanding to be known as a new name, then taking back your old title... I have to admit, this is petty to post, but I did get a kick out of hearing about it. I don't pay attention to the forums, or most stories, but I listen to some that do.

So, I hope you're all well, and I'm sorry that Nebula and Electrum hit an update snag, but I have plenty planned for them!

Happy Reading!

~Madam Kistulot

Slave Life: Blue Screen of Obedience

Madam has an adorable tendency to accidentally trigger me due to forgetting the triggers she doesn't use often. Recently, I spent what felt like hours sending myself progressively deeper as I struggled to let her know she'd put me under.

During a trance designed to get around some of my issues with amnesia, she programmed a “blue screen of obedience.” Any stray thoughts, attempts to analyze, or lingering awareness contrary to what she wanted me to experience would trigger a blue screen, a literal flash of blue within my mind that would kill the entire process tree sans the root of my trance. This blue screen also deepened my trance, leading to the paradox of solving the problem by encouraging me to do more of what created it: the blue screens felt lovely, and I wanted to go deeper, so I tried to trigger them. She continually used the phrase “blue screen of obedience.” Once or twice after that trance, she put me under by surprise with that phrase.

ANY thought contradictory to trance triggers the blue screen . . . including thoughts of telling Madam she put me under since typing or speaking would lighten my trance state! Early last month, I nudged her about text trancing since that works well for me and we were talking through text. She responded, “blue screen of obedience . . . doesn't that sound nice?”

My vision blurred. My head drifted to rest against the monitor. I slackened in my chair. My fingertips felt numb and I didn't realize my lips were parted until I felt warm breath against my wrists, which triggered a blue screen since that thought wasn't about melting. Each time I thought, “I should tell Madam she put me under . . .” or “I should verbally say something to get her attention . . .” I got a blue screen.

Madam was on the couch not even a yard away. Sinking was safe. I knew she would eventually look over and bring me back to the world of the thinking. Blue screen.

“Mmmaa—“ blue screen.

I felt like I'd been under for hours by the time I distantly heard what I thought might be my na—blue screen. “Vaaaaaal! Are you okay?” Blue screen.

Snap.

Urgent, louder snap.

I couldn't read for about a minute after her second snap. When I could, I realized Madam had been asking me through text to respond for the past ten minutes. Only ten minutes! She was distracted by a show and hadn't thought to look over at me. When she did look over, I was slumped against my screen and appeared passed out rather than tranced. When I explained what happened, she smacked her forehead and hugged me. I was sending myself progressively deeper to a point well past somnambulism by trying so very, very hard to let Madam know what was going on! Even though my thoughts were about her, they were not about going deeper, and they would have required me to do something that would have lightened my trance state. Since I knew she was in the same room and would eventually notice me, my safety programming didn't need to abort the experience. Plus, those blue screens felt damn lovely. I vaguely remember reaching a point where I saw only silver and was silently mewling “obey” over and over. That really did feel like a matter of hours. I was shocked by the time distortion when Madam brought me out of what almost felt like a self-induced cascading systems failure. I was fuzzy for the rest of the night. My typing was near-incomprehensible for the next hour.

Well . . . she definitely succeeded in getting rid of my ability to maintain any kind of internal narrator during trance! I rarely interpret suggestions so literally.

Technical imagery has been so deeply reinforced for me that she can type or speak to me in a highly computerized way and achieve good results, often the best results. She blends this well with an organic, gentler, nurturing style that makes me feel adored and cherished. Sometimes she goes with one or the other, but she most often combines them. She didn't simply tell me to blue-screen: she told me the blue screen would feel nice, and I could imagine her gentle, inviting tone over the text. Feeling that gentleness made the melting even yummier and made it even harder to want to come back on my own. I felt so . . . loved and warm while I was sending myself progressively deeper. Silver is obedience. Obedience is warmth. Of course I would only obey someone I love, and I love Madam more than any one, or thing, else.

Obedience is also blue. I have deep and delicious associations with the color blue, which Madam made its own trigger (said in a specific tone of voice, of course), but blue so easily melts into silver. Silver has blue in it, so I don't really perceive a difference when I'm as far gone as I was during that chain of blue screens.

I think I might have ended up on the couch with her that night. I think we were snuggling. I don't remember that night particularly well. The blue screen of obedience is some of my strongest programming. I can override it if I really feel threatened or uncomfortable, but I have yet to experience the need.

This post segued into a five-page ramble about experiences from the hypnotist side, trance logic, technical bits about hypnotism, and general advice. I cut that and saved it in another file for another post. Would anyone find such a post interesting? I might make general hypno-posts, time to time. What would you all find most interesting? I am a hypnotist, though this might not be the most obvious thing in the universe given how easily Madam can make me slump against my screen with a single line of text. I wish she would make hypno-posts.

Also, the embarrassing error on Madam's site is fixed. Some of the blog links pointed to the Kistublot's old address, which is now a redirect page. I really, really, really wish people would actually make use of the web mistress link at the bottom of her main page! Madam found this error by accident earlier tonight. I will not torture anyone for reporting site errors or inconveniences to me (unless the person reporting them is an adorable technophile that begs cutely . . .).

Anyway, educational hypnosis posts? I enjoy explaining things. I especially enjoy explaining things that fall within my passionate geek areas, which hypnosis certainly does.

Now, I cater to the egress of coffee and its intrinsic delight of argent inner-wanderings.

~Valbot

Coming up for air . . .

I HATE Internet Explorer.

Micro$oft, seriously . . . ? Fuck yourself. I could rant about how broken IE really is—and even CSS in certain ways—but that's not the purpose of the Kistublot.

Fantastically annoying code snafus aside, it's done. Madam has a new site! Same address, MadamKistulot.net, with a lovely new design. I'm reasonably sure everything works, but please let me know if you find any broken links or if anything displays awkwardly for you (especially any Mac users in the audience).

Madam wanted some things, such as the splash page, to remain the same. Almost everything else is new.

The 'blot got another makeover, too: a real one this time.

Slave life post? Right . . . I sort of got lost in code. I now refer to the Silververse "lovingly" as the God Damned Mother Fucking Silververse due to the overwhelming hassle it was to organize and link!

Goddess, I really am tired. But it's DONE! That's really the entire point of my post, to say this is done and to tell you all to go look!

My next post really will have something to do with real-life MC beyond the technical administration of Madam's web presence.

~Valbot

Style Sheets and Ethics and Buggy Code, OH MY!

Scroll down for Eri’s post about her aspects. I know some of you have waited a long time for that.

My post turned into a bit of a ramble concerning the ethics and misconceptions of slave life, albeit a ramble in gloss. Also, I’ve had little sleep. You have been warned.

* * *

Before realizing I didn’t want to fight with IE to get CSS and JavaScript to work cross-browser, I made a few fancy layouts that looked wonderful in Firefox. Pulling them up in IE nixed my enthusiasm in short order. A blog doesn’t require something nearly so pretentious, anyway! So, I tweaked the default layout a bit and cobbled together a banner with some inky fonts along with the eye and pendant from Madam’s main site.

Before coding, I started working on an editorial style sheet for Madam’s spin-off series. Stylistic grammar won’t change between chapters anymore, and no one will experience a random dye job! Madam was genuinely perplexed and a hair disturbed that I got so excited over the idea of making one. I’m a nerd: I joyously admit this. What’s not to adore about niggling over the tinniest facets of stylistic grammar while arranging in definition-list form the less flexible aspects? This isn’t only about grammar, of course; there will be character notes, too.

Slave life? I’m working on my own post, but it’s going to take a while. I’m not sure how much I want to detail. Some of this is fairly private, and I don’t always realize how much is private to me until I’ve blanched upon rereading it the next day. Also, I don’t want to give the impression that I have no mind of my own. I’m owned, but I very much think for myself! Eri does, too, even though she enjoys getting lost in what we like to call magic. Even the darkest-sounding things she wrote about in her last post had layers of safety programming interlaced to ensure nothing contradictory to her genuine wants would be able to work. Madam gave me the same programming. If I don’t like something, or I can’t handle something, nothing short of her literally robotizing and rewriting me is going to make it happen!

I know I’m not really a robot, and Eri knows she can think for herself just fine when she wants to. The thrill is knowing Madam could do whatever she wanted, that we love and crave and trust her enough to open ourselves this deeply . . . but knowing all the while that we’re safe because she would never abuse that trust. Sure, I sometimes find myself singing the Folgers song and literally orgasming at the end (I ABHOR Folgers "coffee" and I find the jingle equally repulsive), but that’s hardly mindwiping me and turning me against my nature.

My point? I want to write about my experiences, but I don’t want to scare people or give the impression that Madam is doing unethical things when she’s actually being meticulous and frequently double-checks to make sure I’m happy with this.

I cringe and sometimes feel physically ill when I read the experiences of other slaves who sound, well . . . like they really couldn’t give a damn if they tried. So many HypnoDominants really are doing questionable things without checking, or they check while the submissive is under (which is a rant post all by itself). Often submissives don’t bother to look at their fetishy surroundings to see what’s going on because they blindly trust their dominants. Blind trust in this sense is a bad thing since they haven't taken the time to see what they're trusting. Really, it’s not disobedient to ask questions or even to firmly say “no!” It’s not disobedient to say something might happen later but that it’s not comfortable right now. It’s not disobedient to expect privacy, mentally and physically. Madam encourages me to do that. I find it incredibly offensive when others say she needs to keep me on a tighter leash or that I am merely an extension of her name (or, in one case, that she owns my words). Madam doesn’t want drones; she wants complex personalities she can explore and savor and play with beyond merely rewriting or giving commands.

But those reading might interpret my anecdotes as yet another weak hypnoslave with an egregious Mistress who toys with and controls every aspect of her slave without a passing thought (or allowing her slave a passing thought). Even a close real-life friend sometimes gets needlessly worried about what goes on between us. He called Madam’s playful “time travel!” explanation of how I was built “Voodoo doming.” That made no sense. Madam isn’t allowed to be playful? I know that’s not really what happened! In fact, I know I was born human and am human right now. But I like getting lost in the magic, too, and Madam is good at making it thick and exquisite so that one gets lost to the point of forgetting reality. Even so, I never forget reality in ways that could be harmful. I always revert easily to normal at the slightest provocation.

Obviously Madam will do things with me that she wouldn’t do with others. She didn’t do some of what she does with me now until I moved here. Madam is my life partner first, my Madam equal to that—but my life partner above everything else. If I felt like I could no longer submit, she’d still be my partner. So I feel comfortable with things a slave who is only a slave probably wouldn’t, and she feels comfortable trying things with me she wouldn’t try with others. We know each other well enough for that to be safe. Also, she submits to me sometimes. I find it easier to trust her since I’ve been in her head and have experienced her in the same vulnerable, sublime, tenderly trusting way she experiences me.

I would get lost in the magic while writing about my experiences. I would sound like I don’t know reality from fantasy. I would sound like I’m controlled to the point where I really don’t have a choice about what happens to me. None of that is true, but my writing would convey that impression. So this post is a mini-rant on slave life and ethics, and a preface to my next post, which will be my slave life post: I am indeed self-aware and in control of what happens to me, and it is this self-awareness and control that allows me to safely get lost in Madam’s magic.

Perhaps I didn't need to ramble about this, but I felt the need to make my situation clear before writing about my experiences. Given some of my visceral reactions to others I've read, I wouldn't blame anyone who read mine for making the same judgment. D/s experiences, especially hypnotic D/s, can appear scary when observed from the outside. I'm not judging anyone with this post, though I do think anyone writing about this sort of thing should detail the precautions they've taken and provide some context as to the relationship they have beyond D/s. Such details make these things much easier to enjoy and understand. Few things make me feel worse than reading what could be a yummy experience if it didn't lack that context. There are quite a few people in this community I don't respect because they can't provide this context honestly and they try to dress up what they're doing while making the rest of us look awful. But I know most people are not like that. Most of us just want to enjoy ourselves, and we're ethical about it.

~Valbot