Not dead. Yet.

So, if you're reading this, you probably saw the update to mcstories.

If you're seeing this before the update, sorry to ruin it. Nebula Volume III should be at least vaguely worth the wait. I have heard some criticism that its panning out too much like Silver Girl - but that's not where its headed. I know, a writer needing to explain their work is the first sign that something isn't going well, but I hope you'll disagree.

Anyway, as posted before, work has been exhausting. What with over 75% of the people I used to work with quitting or being fired, and then being slapped with customer surveys that were meant for other agents . . . work has been a lovely hell. Tech support isn't very fun when you work for companies that care one hundred and fifty ten percent more about their customers than their employees.

On top of that, I have tuberculosis. Don't worry, apparently I've had it for . . . two years? I'm on pills for months. They aren't bad, but it is very third world level frustrating. So yes, I'm a carrier for a very deadly disease. The state of Oregon is paying for my treatment.

Early January, well before my medical kicked in, I was on a bus that sped off before I could finish sitting down and my knee popped out of place. Wound up on crutches. Once I was down to one, ready to ditch it... something popped, literally, out of the other knee. So back to two. Down to one again, we'll see how that goes, but being mobility impaired is very difficult. Nothing makes stairs better than ramps, but there are no fucking ramps into my apartment building, or complex. Damn Oregon for being at a forty-five degree angle.

So, sans a lovely visit from Erika back in March, this year has been a difficult one so far. Good thing is that suffering leads to good writing. A calm in the storm often helps this granted, and I admit that I don't really see any especially close, but I'm not doing anything like giving up.

Just realistically expecting next week to more or less mirror this one, sans next week I get paid.

Lastnight my desktop computer died. The harddrive should be fine, and everything from it should be rather well backed up, but even a generous donation from the Raine foundation it'll still be a month or two before I can afford a new computer... So I'm a little depresssed over that. Aurora, the computer, was named before the character. She was the first major purchase I made with my first job. When I turned on her screen, it was the rising of the sun.

I'm a little dumbly emotional, I'll admit, but she has a lot of value and meaning and now she's dead. It happens.

The good news, is that I have up to volume 5 and V written. They need a little more editing, but I should be able to keep up the pace neccessary for frequent updates. Stress from work, home, health, and honestly a little worry in living up to my own name exhausted my ability to reliably write. I took a hiatus, and I should be back at least until I can finish their stories unless life intervenes again.

After Sylvia and Aurora finish off, I plan on trying to find a sellable premise and fight tooth and nail to finally achieve my dream. Odds are against me, but I've never been big on trusting the odds, anyway.

So, for now, keep checking the updates. Check here via RSS. More to come, in time.

~Madam Kistulot

P.S. - Rather recently to try and aid my writing I decided to actually indulge the genre I've been dancing in further, and have been a regular visitor of the local comic shop Things From Another World, which you can also find online. Thanks to a friend's reccomendation I've been tearing through TPB of Ultimate Spiderman, and have been enjoying it sans some of issue five. Was going to get back into the x-men, but guess who on my third issue is comming back to life again. I'm going to sidestep that, and enjoy pieces of Batman's "Death", pieces of Dark Reign, and miscellanious TPB, though for now thats on hold until I get my new box. More on that as more surfaces.

Disillusionment

Perhaps I should break my silence.

EMC has steadily lost its allure for me over the past year. Posting here and interacting to what little extent I do with the community feels more like a chore than a hobby. I lost interest in new writing some while ago, and the media and discussion I encounter on the forums never held much allure. I still have a mind control fetish, but that isn't enough to make me want to post here or interact with the community.

Nothing has changed about my interest in hypnosis or my loving D/s bond with Madam. I would continue posting about slave life and hypnosis were they not so connected with MC given the context of the 'blot. Those themes are already covered extensively by others in the community, and I don't think I have anything novel to contribute. Teaching about hypnosis when those with training are already doing so feels pointless. I also feel much less comfortable posting about my personal experiences given some of the ignorant and dehumanizing responses I've received. My primary audience for those posts has no conception of loving D/s and is unlikely to view anyone writing about it submissively as more than mindless entertainment. I don't want to put my experiences on display for this audience. I'm sick of being viewed as not even a person.

This entire milieu of concepts and activities is supremely disheartening.

More accurately, the MC community and most of the material available has lost its allure, but that feels rude to say.

Believe it or not, I agree with those who think Madam's spin-off series is redundant, tepid, and in need of a twist (she does, too). I think EMC lost some allure for her, as well, at least writing-wise. She still enjoys trancing just as much as I do.

If I get a whim, I'll post here, but don't expect much from me in the future.

~Valbot

New job burnout

Heya everyone!

You'll notice by now I haven't had anything in the last two updates, nor have I contributed to the blog in awhile. Sorry. Not so much intentional, as I've been horrifically burned out, and I've needed a break from my personal deadlines - and writing has been very difficult. I have a four hour commute each day, and my handwriting is atrocious, so I've recently ordered a new notebook and I should have it by... Tuesday? At the latest. And then, I intend to write during my commute.

Five and a half hours of battery life? Mmmm, battery life.

So I just wanted to give everyone an update, and apologize. I really haven't had time to barely do anything at all besides unwind as of late, and try to de-stress which has worked with varying amounts of success.

I haven't really even had time to pay attention, but I admit I am getting a giggle out of the return of Sara H. I'm glad to know she's well, but going from bashing everyone's work and saying you're the best writer in the world who doesn't write according to cliches, then only writing cliches, demanding to be known as a new name, then taking back your old title... I have to admit, this is petty to post, but I did get a kick out of hearing about it. I don't pay attention to the forums, or most stories, but I listen to some that do.

So, I hope you're all well, and I'm sorry that Nebula and Electrum hit an update snag, but I have plenty planned for them!

Happy Reading!

~Madam Kistulot

Where was I going with this?

Madam is finally going to rewrite the first three Silververse stories! Don't worry, the originals—typos, waffle continuity errors, and grammatical mishaps—will be preserved on her site. She is only rewriting for polish and clarity, not to change the plot. I remember reading The Adventures as she wrote it; she posted it on DeviantART before sending it to the Archive months later. I think I mentioned proofreading would be a good idea. But, Madam being Madam, she took a while to break that write-and-hit-send habit.

I had no clue I would eventually fall in love with her (let alone that I would move from Florida to OREGON to live with her), and that I would get to edit these stories. She didn't know there would be stories after the original. I'm astonished by how elaborate and lengthy this series ended up and, speaking honestly, I'm surprised this series got so popular given how muddled the first story is on a technical level. Let alone how LONG it is. Those who suggest new authors should post shorter stories as their debuts raise a very good point! Perhaps people were less scared of new authors two years ago. Either way, I'm proud of Madam for creating something so gorgeous and elaborate, and I'm overjoyed that she's finally going back to apply the polish these earlier stories deserve. I think her series deserves to be popular, but I'm just a bit surprised some of her more intelligent fans were willing to read through it when she was a new author and they had no basis upon which to have faith in her storytelling ability. Apparently these are good stories, and I'm not the only one who saw that!

Our relationship is only slightly older than the Silver series (we met on May 22nd, 2005; she sent the first three chapters to the Archive in November of that year). I'm still trying to get my head around that, and around the reality that I'll be editing what was my first exposure to the world of MC fiction. As much as I bitch about the community, it really has changed my life in unexpected ways. Meeting and bonding with Carin; Doublefine moving here and becoming a wonderfully close in-person friend; another woman I truly hope will become a close friend if only for how much I enjoy geeking out with her; Erika meeting Madam through her podcast post; the various people I've been able to explore hypnosis with from the hypnotist side. Even my earlier time in the Garden was mostly positive. I wouldn't have discovered some of my MC sub-kinks or so quickly grown comfortable talking about this with anyone but Carin had it not been for my encounters there.

Whoops. I didn't mean to get sentimental! Our third anniversary is close, and the Silververse is closely laced with it. Carin is what drew me to this community, and she is what helped me to branch out reading-wise beyond her work while helping me to get over so many of the squicks being sheltered had given me regarding fetishes and sexuality. She is what inspires my life overall.

Writing and editing of the spin-off series is going better than she makes it sound. Writing is slow, but she's broken a new tier of quality and nothing will be posted until November, anyway. Some of the arcs she has planned . . . One infuriatingly vague but yummy hint I can give is Massive's song "Dissolved Girl." I have a shivery, painfully erotic music video in my head of Sylvia and Aurora to that song, and it's definitely not just sex.

Anyway! Madam really does need to post more, preferably when she's awake. I keep bribing her with ice cream. At least make a review post? You did read and enjoy some things in the past few updates. Erika should post, too.

Madam keeps teasing me about having a fetish for semicolons. What can I say? They're cute.

~valbot

Blotting Cloth Plans =/= Reality

Well everyone, I slacked again. Sorry. It happens.

Writing has been slow. Things have felt slow. I now sleep at midnight instead of six am. Feels... odd. Not quite acclimated.

After discussing the blotting cloth mroe with val, we agreed that it only would foster to encourage negativity, annoyance, and well... we're not funny in the way Maddox is funny. We don't need a funny hatemail section for this blog. So . . . we're not having one. Val wrote up a post on the topic to be posted along with mine, and is as follows:

This is Valbot.

The Blotting Cloth was a bad idea.

Drama and derailment will be deleted. I will not tolerate receiving belittling lectures, being called an abuser, being indirectly told I'm going to be a bad doctor, and being called nuts over my literary opinions. My response to Jo was idiotic and rash; I'm not proud of that. Not responding would have prevented the rest of that drama.

I know I've crossed the line between snarky and nasty. Sans direct provocation, I haven't been nasty lately. I don't appreciate people searching for the faintest bits of negativity to pontificate against. The only promotion beyond Madam's website has been word of mouth. No one has to see the Kistublot.

Also, why should I care about opinions from people too cowardly to own them? I feel annoyed even by positive anonymous comments. Madam finally got around to disabling anonymous commenting. You need a Google or OpenID account to post. Those are not difficult to obtain.

I understand my snark went past constructive and was dominating the blog. Of course that drama was my fault. Am I not allowed to move forward? Restrained nipping is not vicious mauling.

I find it amusing that we never heard from some of these people until they had negative things to say. None of these people commented on the positive posts. In fact, lately, these people have been picking the tiniest negative things out of overall positive posts and textually blaring at us. Some of them have such lacking lives that they are niggling over blog comments I make to others to find things to lecture us about.

Perhaps deleting drama and derailment is shushing or heavy-handed, but restraining negativity is difficult when comments such as the ones removed from a previous post show up in my inbox.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my posts. Please do voice your opinions! But drama, derailing comments, and provocation will not be tolerated.

~Valbot

Well, there you have it! I agree with her, and she's much more articulate in the past (she wrote this days ago) than I am in the present... enjoy, and thanks for reading. Will have more news soon, but I'm just too tired to be entertaining.

~Madam Kistulot

Future for the Kistublot

Well, hello again everyone.

Writing has finally been progresssing again. Gimme a gold star, because I havent been doing nearly enough to deserve a silver.

I wrote out a long blog post basically detailing my feelings on the issues (cowardly anonymous posters, politicing for no real reason, people who can't stand differences in opinion, so forth) but I just don't see any use in actually posting it.

I chose not to participate in the commenting snafu because while I don't think Valencia's comments were all great (and was upset myself) I didn't exactly find the other side guiltless either, and nor did I see the point in posting just to say that.

Differences in opinion are the whole reason for blogs, for forums, for conversation . . . fuck, for about anything. If it didn't exist, focus groups could consist of one person.

Shortly, we will be creating a section specifically to throw comments that we believe are simply to "call us out." Call that what you will. I don't care. While I do not find Jo's (Flibinite's) comment outrageous for the reason that Valencia did/does, I'm still going to say this: this blog is for voicing our thoughts and opinions. Posting just to specifically bitch is getting seriously annoying, especially when it's done by the same old people, aka our lovely friend anonymous, and Jo.

I don't know if the 'blot will be around forever. But I know this: if you can't stand opinions that are the antithesis of yours so much? Do not read this blog. Do not read any blogs. Do not have human contact. Shoot yourself now. Please. Because I will always be disagreeing with you.

It's one thing to post a comment with a suggestion or a constructive criticism, but smirking, acting like your opinions simply must be represented in a place not at all yours, and generally antagonizing behavior is just not polite. Treating my girlfriend as lesser because she is my slave, is not right. She is her own person who has given me the gift of her submission. Outside of fun, I do not control what she does. Her thoughts, and her actions, belong to her. Tempting as it is, I've never controlled her or sternly told her not to post something. I have suggested it wasn't the best idea in the world, but it was still, and will always be, her choice.

Just felt the need to cover that.

So, let me end with this. Sara, if something I have said has truly hurt you, I apologise. That was never, and has never been my intent. Nothing either of us has done here was meant to attack or "destroy" you. Though our opinions are not glowing, I do not find you subhuman, and I truly wish you the best. I enjoyed "Tock" and almost nominated it. If I'd had four slots, I would have. I recently read through "Mindfield" for a taste of CB, and while I took issue with some of the ways you did things, I was pulled long well enough to get through the end of what was posted.

I hold no ill will towards you, and if anything admit that my strong opinion is no doubt partially a result of a feeling of rivalry. We share at least a few of the same fans, and having the same things said about both of our works when I view parts of yours as lacking makes a part of me cringe. This does not mean the necessarily are, that is just my opinion. It makes it no less how I feel, but it specifies that I can see why people would feel otherwise.

My writing has plenty of problems. tAoSG was rushed out the gate, same with Silver Eclipse. It took me way too long to get serious about polishing, and the tense issue I've had with you is in many of my pieces because I was simply too lazy to fix it. There was a reason Mike coined the term "A Madam Kistulot" and I think that shows I have my own purple side.

The things you hate about other people are the things you hate about yourself, so I guess I'm saying that while this doesn't change how I feel about your writing, it is only due to my own insecurity in my work that I react in such strong ways that make people think I don't know what an opinion is.

So, I can't promise you'll never be mentioned again. I can't promise I won't bitch or reference or who knows what, but I promise that you as a person have my respect, and I respect that you are able to draw in the readers that you do.

Well, I guess that sums up what I wanted to say.

I haven't read this version yet, but I heavily recommend Undertow by 8-bit. I still hope to win that Spiral, but if The Happily wins over me I admittedly won't be shocked.

I'd also like to give out another shout out to Melted Music by Frustrated. It was a great story, and you should all vote for it, because it was awesome. Maybe I'll give it a full review soon. Suffice it to say, Fru has a talent with poetic prose that I envy greatly.

That's all for now folks, and don't forget to vote for the Spirals!

~Madam Kistulot

Touchy Hypotheticals

Madam told me I should post about 8-bit’s situation, but I have no idea what to say. I think he crossed some lines, but he didn’t do anything to warrant the belittling responses of Wiseguy and several others. 8-bit presented a hypothetical situation. He used a good example from the community. The responses varied from someone insinuating he’s sore over a negative review Wiseguy gave him to someone I used to respect calling him a little punk trying to pick a fight. Something is lopsided, here.

I know, I know: “it’s the WAY he went about this whole thing!” I didn’t see a surly tone from him until Wiseguy threatened to sue him. That would get most people surly. 8-bit wasn’t even that surly. His first post bothered me because I will eventually work in a field directly overlapping with some of my fetishes. I have a fetish for the field itself. I still didn’t get a hint of malice or aggression from any of his posts. He was presenting a hypothetical. Maybe he should have left the name out of it, but that would have been twisted in other nasty directions likely by the same people twisting this one.

I told him he should leave it alone, for the record. I don’t see anything productive coming from this. I see someone proposing an honest thought and getting lambasted in response. Not all of this is happening in public. Wonder where he got the idea his account would be deleted when that wasn’t directly stated in the thread?

My own incident around the time I left the Garden was worse than this and I got some belittling responses. They weren’t so bad as what 8-bit is getting slammed with over a HYPOTHETICAL. Madam pulled no punches in her own parting thread. The responses to her weren’t this ugly. I won’t conjecture over why 8-bit is getting these responses. I don’t care, actually. This is ugly. This is ridiculous. This could have been an interesting discussion. People can’t tolerate uncomfortable hypotheticals related to their sexuality, apparently.

~Valbot

The lighter side of the Kistulot

Hey all!

There was an update, but nothing really in it for me, which is too bad. I was really wanting to know more about OG's plot, want some Tabico in '08, some Thrall... Le sigh, eh?

But, that is not what this post is about! This post is about something much different.

A comment on my last blog - which has already recieved a reply - showed me one thing that drastically needs to change: I only tend to show my frustrated side as of late. As people who know me know, I am a very passionate person. This means that I rant a lot about things I love, and a lot about things I hate. More about the latter, because I also have a self righteous craving for justice. This means I don't like tolerating things that I feel are injustices. Not clarifying becuase you're stupuid clarifying that its things I feel are injustices, not things that are.

Often my oppinions appear as though I believe they are divinely true - I do not. But since they are opinions, and none are more valid, I don't feel the need to remind people that I know this.

While I think many things are of sub par quality, a lot of people like them. In a non MC example, I hate Macs. I grew up using them, but I still passionately loathe them. I think using them is stupid, a waste of money, and it just shows you're afraid to use a real computer. In my opinion. A lot of people feel PCs are shoddy. Well, not as many who feel the other way, but popularity of an opinion does not make it fact.

Wikiality is a lie, much like the cake.

So, if my opinion is just as valid as yours, and you think I'm wrong? You're not just allowed to have it, I encourage it. I will not do this when we disagree - encourage - but I do it now during a neutral moment. Know if we ever disagree? If you enjoy the original Master PC story for instance? You are entitled to it, even if I may think you're insane/a nut job/have bad taste.

Just like I'm sure a lot of people think I have horrific taste because I really enjoyed the live action Super Mario Brothers movie. I am told this a lot if it's brought up. So, it's only fair if I get to say JR Parz writing sucks.

Say otherwise, and you're just not being fair.

Things don't need literary perfection for me to love them. There are stories on the archive that I remember quite fondly that even break the cup size rule - and I don't dislike them now. My tastes are not some evolved super creature to the point where I belong in a place of chosing what is right or wrong.

Awhile back, when I left the MCG, I said that I considered instituting review policies - to stop seeing glowing reviews of shit. People clung to that.

People did not realize I never did it. I never even truly considered enacting it. All I did? Was bring it up as I was leaving. I was showing that while I find the current administration haphazardly bad at their jobs, I left because in time I would have been too.

But this is the lighter side, and I've just so far tried to show that I understand I'm not an angel. That's not exactly honest advertising.

There are a lot of things the MC community has produced that I enjoyed.

The Spiral Awards were a great concept. They were executed well. My only disappointment is that they were so quickly abandoned.

While I can't enjoy most stories without a certain level of writing to them, back when I frequented the forum(s) I loved hot flashes. They were quick little doses of mc heat. They didn't need to be masterpieces, very long, or even have context. They were concepts quickly given flesh, if not bones.

Though i harp sometimes on the collective's lack of originality, I do love a lot of the manipulations there. When people take the time to make something new and don't just ad a pendant or white eyes, or even if they do and the story on the side is good in a hot flash like way . . . it can be really good! I'm a hard audience when it comes to getting off, but I love something that can.

And really... one ting I love most, is talking to other MC enthusiasts. I dislike that so many don't see eye to eye with me on it, and that so few seem to really enjoy it as the be all end all (mcstories don't need sex to be hot -pout) or that so many really do like insta trance insta fuck, connecting with someone with similar feelings rocks.

Talking with fans? Goddess. Its an orgasm in a messenger/inbox.

So, right now, I'd just like to thank everyone who has ever complimented something I did, or took the time to see if they would like it. Everyone whose put up with my shit, and can believe that I'm not the ranty-doesn't-always-think-before-she-acts person that I can come off as - because I know, I've earned that. When someone does something I feel is wrong, especially if others don't agree, I feel cornered and vicious. It's something I need to improve on.

I won't go into if any of those moments have been valid, because that's not what this post is about. Its about humility, not about winning.

I disagree with a lot of people...

I dislike few people.

But for decent reasons, not just because of matters of taste.

Unless you like AFI. Then you're dead to me.

~Madam Kistulot